Wednesday, August 28, 2013

OF ATLANTIC CITY AND LESBIANS

After seeing how hurricane Sandy had devastated Atlantic city, I had the urge to go see for myself what it looks like now, since I had seen ads saying they were again open for business. Although I am too much of a cheap stake to gamble, the fact that the casinos give back a large proportion of the greyhound bus fare in cash in the hope passengers will gamble in their hotel, spurred me even more to take the two hour trip. 

However, if these casino owners had more people like me, they would go bankrupt, for the last time I went there I got back my full $22 in cash and only gambled $5. This time I noticed that they only gave back $25 of the $37 fare, but what the heck.

I was pleasantly surprised to see how normal the place looked, no sign of the devastation less than  a year ago. It seems to me too that they have brought in a whole pile of white sand, (the sand looked grey the last time I was there) probably from Guyana which has an over- abundance of white sand which they export to as far as South Africa.

What was really great too was seeing Red Stripe beer billboards on the along the boardwalk, although the signs made no mention of Jamaica anywhere.

Anyway, the rest of the world does not seem to be aware that they are back in business as the numbers were really low with the majority seeming to be older retired folk many with walking sticks and other walking aids. But I guess that is normal as it was a Tuesday when most younger people would be at work.

The casinos and hotels are really fabulous and because Donald Trump is such a prig, I hate to admit it but the Trump hotel complex was really the nicest.

So they are back in business but it still remains a secret!

On the return to New York I had to go to Times Square as it is really one of my favorite places in the world and although I know everything goes in New York, I really was not prepared for this.

Two black lesbians in the middle of the street topless and feeling up each other.

Ugh, disgusting and all this while young kids and families were around in abundance.







Bloopers and Serial Killers

The last time I was in new York, it was April and cold.

I had been staying with my daughter in law who has a coop apartment in Mt. Vernon.
.
There are two identical blocks of apartments in the complex but what I did not realize is that the same key opens both security doors.(  She tells me they do this so that if for example  the laundromat is not working in one complex they can go over to the other.

I did not know that and in my anxiety to get out of the cold, I  had run into the wrong block.

Unfortunately too,  the apartments have the same numbers and same location so I was totally discombobulated when my  key would not open the door. (I had never had a problem with the key before).

 After several frustrated tries, I started banging on the door impatiently as my grandson was at home. You can imagine my shock when the door opened and I was confronted by a startled Indian man dressed in shorts and no shirt.

He demanded to know what I wanted and I mumbled something and shamefacedly hurried  away from the door, thinking to myself how lucky I was that he was not a serial killer who dragged me into his apartment, had his way with me, (as often described  in murder mystery novels) then hacked me to death before hiding me in the basement.

While all that flashed through my mind, I still could not figure where my apartment had disappeared to, after all, it was the same number and same location beside the elevator and the same floor. Then I remembered seeing another apartment block looking the same and went back into the cold to try and  figure it out.

I did and have been thanking my lucky starts ever since then that  serial killers exist more in the movies than in real life!

Jaywalking

I just finished my daily walk, and  every time I jaywalk, I remember this wicked blue stripe cop in Half/Way Tree, Jamaica.

They had just inserted some grids on the main thoroughfares on which motorists were supposed, never to stop. Unfortunately for me, I was in slow moving traffic and the light turned amber just as I got on to the grid. Before I could move forward, a whole bunch of pedestrians stepped out in front of me and the light turned red.

This idiot of a cop was right there and saw everything but pulled me over and told me she was going to give me a ticket

 I asked her if I was supposed to have mowed down the pedestrians  and she ignored the question and kept writing. So I asked her why the hell she did not give the pedestrians tickets too  for jaywalking, to which she replied "There are no laws against jaywalking in Jamaica".

My only regret is that I forgot her face immediately so will never have to face the possibility of seeing her on the road as a defenseless pedestrian one day!

I guess that's a good thing.

OFF TO UNIVERSITY

I thought when your grand kids went off to university you would be so old you would have one foot in the grave ! Well maybe I am and just do not know it for last week my grandson Shadrach started at St. Leos university in Florida.

 This  is the oldest Catholic university in the USA and would probably have not been my first choice. My first choice would have been Pace University which is one of the top universities in the world and one to which Shadrach got a good scholarship. Problem,  it is in New York and like myself he hates New York. So he opted for this other one to which he also got a scholarship.

Anyway where you get your first degree is no big thing for can you remember where Obama got his first degree?

I knew you couldn't for it is where you specialize that makes the difference.

Anyway it is a small university with a beautiful campus having even a little lake, landscaped green areas and some of the largest oak trees covered with an  attractive parasite looking like beards.

 I am sure he will be very happy and very successful there.

It is not far from Tampa, just 45 minutes drive so I will be visiting him from time to time. Besides we have friends nearby ( in Florida terms) and he even has an invitation for the Thanksgiving weekend already.


Yup...getting old fi true

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Never a Dull Moment

I could just see the "Star" headline 'Well Known Bridge Champion Caught With Stolen Car" or better yet "Wife of Criminal Attorney Heads Car Stealing Ring".  


Seriously though, sometimes we forget we live in Jamaica and take these things for a joke when they could be lethal, for had that the "stolen" car not being driven by a lady  but instead by one one of the regular male drivers  the the headline could most likely read  read "Car Thief Shot After Attacking Police with bicycle Pump". So we need to thank god for small mercies and that all ended well.

This was the potential dramatic ending to a wonderful weekend of riding, swimming, eating and frolicking as the members of "Fun and Thrills Adventure Club" rode out in search of fun over the Emancipendence Holidays.

On Emancipation Day, we the sane ones, rode to Caymanas river while the crazies pushed their bikes up to Hollywell.
lol (based on the pictures I saw!)

Caymanas ride was easy and uneventful. I was at Dunrobin at 6.30am as arranged only to see poor Nicole Thompson there as she had been told to meet the other riders at 6.15am.

I had to remind her that there is Jamaica time and then there is Fun and Thrills time. As we waited, up drove Neville anxiously asking if we had seen his sister Lisa as their father Ayatollah had sent him to find her. (Lisa only recently started riding).

Although Nicole assured him she had not passed, full of anxiety, he drove off searching for her. About fifteen minutes later she arrived, amply protected under Pat's riding wing.

All went well until we got to the river where there was rope across the gate and a young man thought he should shake me down for an entry fee of $150.00. When I informed him that the fee was for parking and I was riding, he told me things had changed and we had to pay to swim.

As I started to enter, he tried to block me, but I had to warn him that if he touched me it would be assault, so he sullenly stepped aside. Then he stepped aside for Sheriff but kept the other eight or ten rides who came up after, sweating at the gate.

They eventually got in without paying and all went well at the river although, because of the drought, it was quite shallow.


That suited Theresa fine however as despite all her attempts at diving, she never went below the surface of the water!                                                                                                                       I had actually decided to ride back to Kingston but when I was ready, I discovered that my back tire was punctured. The Ayatollah loaned me his bicycle, but the seat was a bit low and although I did manage to ride to as far as New Haven, when Neville drove up, I jumped into his support vehicle.                                                                                                                                    Being out of it, I only heard the next day that poor Aswaria had an accident and have to get 7 stitches on her foot. She is a good sport so I hope she will be back on her bike soon.


On Sunday we had a more difficult ride, this time to Mountain River Cave. 

As usual, the group was late so when Chully and Chuck rode up, I took off with them. Chuck stopped off at Jose Marti round-about to wait for the others, but we continued until we got to just below Dovecot and saw David waiting with a support vehicle and Grace all saddled up and ready to ride.

I later had her eating crow as she swore to Chully that it would be a flat ride all the way as "She drove that route every day for one term."

Flat ride my foot, it was mostly hill and it is the first time in recent history that I went thorough 4 containers of water.


Chully with his macho-self, rode away and left me just outside Kitson town and as we neared Guanabo Vale, Donovan caught up with me and I stayed with him. We were running out of water then Larry and his sister drove up and gave us a little, just enough to take us to the bottom of Cudjoe hill where Delroy,  a former tenant of mine, lives.

He loaded us up with water and to tell the truth, as the sun was really billowing down, had he not told me it was just a mile left 'and not a country mile either," to our destination, I might have given in to my normal inclination and jumped into an air-conditioned auto.

But I kept struggling up the hill. When we were almost at the top, Donovan's vehicle drove up and he headed to get his fluids then changed his mind and jumped into the vehicle although I assured him that we had less than quarter mile to go.

Alrick and I suspect, Maurice (aka RIBI,) lost money off me as they had expected to see me arriving in a vehicle, but I rode up in fine style only to find out that Chully who had left me in the dust did not ride up the hill, neither did Sean who has become quite a strong rider although he rides infrequently.

After a good breakfast, a lot of clothing material (claats!) were being described by Ayatollah for Barry had taken away his vehicle to go to his farm and it had the swimming clothes for Chully and Fatman.

 I left him ranting and raving and walked down the treacherous path to the river, followed by Alrick and RIBI. I actually had hoped to take the easy route to the river which is beyond the huge rocks that others relish climbing down, but unfortunately the easy route is now overgrown and I was attacked by burrs and insects and had to return with my tail between my legs to where we have to climb down over the huge rocks.

I must admit though, F&T has some real gentlemen, so all was well but (rider) Stanford refused to climb down the rocks so missed a great swim and frolic in the water, which was again quite shallow because of the drought.

As we enjoyed the water and camaraderie, the air was pierced by a blood curdling scream as Bernadette had gone into the cave behind the waterfall and encountered some little 2 inch fish and let out such a scream that would have led a man from Mars to think she had been attacked by a dinosaur!

It was a really great day and I couldn't even remember the woman I had cursed off on the previous visit when she sought to denigrate us with her constant reference to what the "white people' did and how they reacted as opposed to how we did. Typical house slave. Anyway, I don't even know if she was there on Sunday.

As usual, RIBI and a few mad ones rode back whereas most of the us simply got our revenge on the hill by riding down until we got to the flat area then piled into the support vehicles.

On Independence Day the ride was also great, especially when we got to the cool, peaceful Bog Walk Gorge with the Rio Cobre river flowing peacefully beside the road.

Before we got to the Gorge, we were joined by Andrew at Angels, as he had left out early to make a stop. We were running a bit late as Ayatollah had gotten a puncture in Kingston and Charles the second got one at Jose Marti round-about. It was there I saw Barry and was quite surprised as I had assumed he would have ridden with the A team over the hills but he admitted he wasn't a hill rider. (The A team had wanted to ride up to Clydesdale but compromised by joining us but via the difficult route.)

I rode mostly alone but by the time we got to the end of the Gorge, I was dying of thirst as my second bottle was in Chuck's vehicle. Luckily, Carolyn came along and saved my life then when we got to the first coconut stall, everyone stopped, and Maurice treated me to a cool nut.

This was at the back of Jucci Patty where a number of persons had already gathered. We waited a while for the A team but when they failed to arrive, we headed to our final destination. They never arrived till we had headed to the river and were enjoying a wonderful swim as the Rio Cobre which was beautiful and clean this time, unlike the red water we encountered on our first trip there.

When we went up for breakfast, the drama unfolded, for up drove Betty in Bernadette's vehicle closely followed by two severe, no-nonsense looking policemen.

As it unfolded, Bernadette has had tracking equipment in her vehicle for five years and had recently complained to the security company that they were not doing their job properly as her vehicle had gone to all sorts of remote and strange places and they had never called to ask her if she was with the vehicle.

Today was therefore their day of revenge, for Betty had gone to buy gas and couldn't find the switch to unlock the gas tank so the helpful attendant had gone into the car and pressed a button which turned out to be the panic button!

So finally, Bernie's alarm company got some work to do and quickly called the police to let them know a possible kidnapping or car theft had taken place!

 Although Betty said she did not think it was she the police wanted when she first heard the siren, when she finally stopped, it was the clicking sound of the guns that brought her down to earth!

One policeman admitted that it was because she was a lady why they bought the story she told, so they followed her to verify that the owner did in fact give her permission to be in the vehicle. We had a good laugh when it was all over, but I shudder at what might have happened had one of our male counterparts been driving, for the trigger happiness of our police often ends in tragedy for poor young men.

I had to leave early so after breakfast did not even get the opportunity to return that twelve love Carolyn
had given me in St. Mary as I jumped in the first vehicle leaving which was Chuck's, for you know Caymanas racing cannot survive without him!

Breakfast was not too great as I cannot eat our national dish of ackee and saltfish as it makes me sick and there was no mackerel. So I had to settle for liver which I don't really like. The Guinep juice was fantastic though and it was overall, a good day with all ending well.

As Chuck was in a hurry, Maurice and I rode from his home, me downhill all the way and Maurice uphill most of the way, but what the heck, he is a man so he must work!


Incidentally, on my way down, I saw about four or five police vehicles at Wickam Avenue and wondered what major crime had taken place, only to hear on this morning's news that it was a ganja find at an unoccupied house.


As we enjoy our various forays into the countryside however, we must give tremendous thanks to people like Omar, Brian, Sheriff, Donovan, Charles, Ayatollah, Chuck, Mark and the ever-present Howie (except this weekend) and all the other people who have made their vehicles available to us on all these rides and all the people who put up with the boring feat of driving at 5 miles per hour behind us so we can enjoy ourselves. None of this would have been possible without all these great guys and girls who give of their possessions and time so willingly for our pleasure.

Only In Jamaica

As a health conscious person, I am totally disgusted  daily as I try to enjoy the open air, only to have my lungs assaulted by huge clouds of dangerous carbon monoxide coming out of vehicles. The most outstanding incidents occurred as I walked up Mountain Spring only to be overwhelmed by this from a minibus carrying police to guard the home of a minister.

Then the following day, walking on South avenue, six cars passed  just by the traffic light at Waterloo Road and 50% of them sent  out clouds of dangerous carbon monoxide into our lungs. That is now a regular thing on the roads of the capital city.

I had to shake my head., for here we are in a country where there is now  this big to-do about cigarette smoking and the effects of second hand smoke (I agree with the ban incidentally but certainly not some of the regulations and the ridiculous fines ) but ignore daily the far greater danger posed by carbon monoxide from vehicles (and police vehicles to boot!) when the law banning of such vehicles on the roads has been in existence for decades.

So yes, the  cigarette smoking ban is the big news today but I am here to bet that  by next year, the ban will be honoured in the breach, just as we have been ignoring for years, the far more dangerous incidence of dangerous vehicles belching carbon monoxide into the lungs or all but those fortunate enough to travel around in closed air conditioned vehicles.